By Paula Carlson - Surrey North Delta Leader

Amar Sangha was a 14-year-old Frank Hurt honour roll student with a dilemma.

He was attracted to men, but he wanted to like women.

Putting aside his adolescent crushes on Van Halen frontman David Lee Roth and actor Michael J. Fox, he began seeing a psychiatrist with the hope of becoming “straight.”

It didn’t work.

After three years, the counselling sessions came to an end, and Sangha began to accept who he was: a homosexual.

Twenty years later, in a home in North Delta, Sangha sits next to his mother Jaspal, who is wearing a sunny yellow sari in honour of recent Vaisakhi celebrations.

The brightly coloured material matches the matriarch’s opinion of her son – the middle one of three.

Calling Amar “a precious gift from God,” Jaspal accepts her boy as he is.

In keeping with her religion – Sikhism – Jaspal believes all human beings are created equal and no one should harbour animosity against another.

She acknowledges not everyone thinks the same way.

“Ninety-nine-point-nine per cent in my community believe (homosexuality) is a choice,” she says, including Amar’s father.

Some have stronger words than that.

Late last year, Balwant Singh Gill, president of the Guru Nanak Sikh Temple in Surrey, condemned gay relationships as “unnatural,” saying, “I hate homosexuality.”

He later apologized for the comment.

As for Jaspal, she knew her son Amar was different from the beginning.

As a young child, he loved to hang out with the female members of the family, enjoyed playing with a doll house and took an unusual interest in saris.

But instead of being shunned by his mother and extended family members – including a grandfather who pointed out his grandson’s “uniqueness” early on – Amar was encouraged to be himself.

Still, by his early teens, perhaps sensing the socially difficult road ahead, Amar tried to deny his sexuality. Although he confided in his mother, Amar didn’t officially “come out” until college, where he learned about the many homosexuals in history – among them Michelangelo and Alexander the Great.

“I learned about famous people who were gay... I met other gay people who were happy,” Amar says of his turning point.

Now stable in his own life, Amar is focusing his attention on others.

A social worker who has advocated for several gay pride organizations, Amar, 36, has started Sher Vancouver – a support and social networking organization specifically for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and intersex (GLBTI) Sikhs and their families. He believes it is the first of its kind in the Lower Mainland.

Two other gay groups offer support for members – Trikone Vancouver (for South Asians) and Salaam Vancouver (for Muslims) – but not family members.

Amar says Sher Vancouver takes its name from the Persian word for “lion,” a common word in the Punjab. Male orthodox Sikhs adopt the name Singh, and female Sikhs take on the name Kaur, which mean lion and lionness, respectively, in Sanskrit.

Since launching the group April 6, Amar has signed up 33 members – mostly men, but a few women as well. He says the quick response is proof of the need.

Citing the “one in 10 rule,” in which some researchers estimate that 10 per cent of the general population is homosexual, Amar believes there are thousands of gay Sikhs in the Surrey-North Delta area.

He knows of some who have been forced into marriages and lead a secret double life – dancing in gay clubs at night, and sadly, sometimes bringing sexually-transmitted diseases home.

“This should not be happening,” he says.

Amar’s other motivation for starting Sher is youth. He does not want them to feel as alone as he did in high school, when he didn’t know another gay soul – let alone a gay South Asian soul.

Twenty-one-year-old Surrey resident Ash, (who asked that his last name not be used), admits his younger years as a gay teen were pretty “miserable.”

He never felt accepted at Sikh temples, where others would whisper about him and stare.

Ash doesn’t blame his religion; Sikhism teaches tolerance and equality, and the Guru Granth Sahib (Sikh holy book) does not mention homosexuality.

“I guess I blame the culture,” he says. Sikh families have high expectations for traditional marriages and children.

Not Jaspal, who says she is proud of Amar for trying to make a difference, adding she has supported him from the beginning, long before she fully understood what his sexual orientation really meant.

Laughing, she says: “I once thought gay was happy.”

Judging from the smile on her son’s face, it still is.

To get involved with Sher Vancouver, email Amar Sangha at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Ash is hoping to have the first gay Sikh float in Vancouver’s Pride Parade in August – complete with bhangra dancers. If you can offer sponsorship or other support, email Sangha.